What the....?

I am starting to think that I should dedicate my blog or write a book about my trips to the grocery store because, as of late, they seem to never be uneventful. Fortunately, I only step foot into the Hell on Earth that is a grocery store about once a month. I will eat an expired can of peaches before I will see the need to go the store. However, the last scoop of coffee or last kibble of dog food will send me running there and I absolutely abhor every minute of it. To me, there is nothing to like about grocery stores. I hate crowds, I hate screaming kids running around of the leash, I hate cramped spaces, I hate the people who get annoyed at me because I take up room in the isle while I read labels, I despise people who don’t know the words “excuse me” and instead run into me with their cart, and I hate to be cheated out of hard my earned money. Hence, a trip to the grocery store is the same as a trip to the seventh-level of Hell. In addition to all of that I have discovered that becoming an educated individual and therefore an educated consumer does have side effects; this is one area where ignorance is truly bliss. There more I learn about where products come from, how they are made, who they harm in the process, and the damage caused to the Earth, the harder it becomes to shop without getting frustrated.


On my most recent trip to hell I was particularly annoyed at the prices which seem to be climbing at warp-speed. I am fully aware of the state of the economy and I understand inflation. However, what has been taking place on food price tags lately is purely extortion. I did not hear anything about a tornado or earthquake hitting the area where black beans are grown, yet the same brand I bought the last time I went to the store was about thirty-cents more just one-month later. With every item I put into my cart the angrier I got. I couldn’t find a package of turkey without ingredients I can’t pronounce for under five-dollars. The only paper towels even minutely socially responsible were almost four-dollars. And, I was forced to spend a dollar more for tofu without chemicals in it.



By the time I reached the spice isle I was purely aggravated. I needed to buy onion powder and garlic powder. I typically buy these items at a dollar store but I figured I would save myself a trip and grab them at the grocery store. As I reached for the jar of onion power my eye fell upon the price tag on the shelf and I saw a huge $5.89 staring back at me. My anger reached a fever-pitch and the little voice inside my head started screaming “$6.00 for onion powder that is $1.00 elsewhere? Are they crazy? What the F*@k!” Only the “what the F*@k” part didn’t just take place in my head; it came straight out of my mouth at a decibel loud enough to be heard at least three isles away. As everyone around looked in my direction to see who the lunatic is that was spewing obscenities in the middle of the store, I too looked around to see who it was. When I didn’t see them I grabbed my cell phone and called my parents house because talking on your cell phone in public is the same as donning a cloak of invisibility.



With my red-face I talked to my step-father and offered up a good laugh at my expense. When he was done laughing he said, “If everyone started screaming “what the F*@k” at the grocery store, maybe something would be done about all this price-gouging.”



Perhaps he is right. But for this tactic to work it is going to have to be a group effort. My one cry of protest is not going to be enough. So, my advice to my fellow Americans is to follow my lead and voice your chagrin at the exorbitant prices at the grocery store. Rioting may get you arrested, but apparently screaming obscenities in the spice isle does not. As a matter of fact it doesn’t even get you thrown out.



PS. Before quickly exiting the spice isle I did find onion powder and garlic powder for $1.99 hidden on the bottom shelf. However, it was made in China and does not have an ingredients list. I keep my spices in the cabinet to the right of the stove. This will be important information if I suddenly fall into an unexplained coma or start growing extra limbs.